Graffiti: A Mark of Class and Distinction

Who thinks graffiti is awesome?

Don't bother raising your hands. I can just tell by the paint stains on your fingers.

What a wonderful sense of power you must feel as you express yourself and show the world that you, an otherwise ordinary teenager, have the ability to write your name on other people's property. What a festive air your illegible scrawls add to any neighborhood. What a wonderful demonstration of the triumph of the public school system.

Certainly, the homeowner would not have built such a boring, pristine wall if they did not intend for you to improve it with your sophomoric decorative ability. Yes, tagging is a great boon to everyone. People love seeing your handiwork livening up an otherwise antiseptic area. How generous of you to share your "art" with the world, for free, in spaces where everyone can see it.

If you really think tagging is fun, though, you should probably try to share the experience and bring it home, so you can enjoy it as much as those people whose views you have so lovingly graffitied. Why not invite adults—me, for example—over to your home? Show me your bedroom. Let me take stock of all your most prized possessions, those materials objects for which you have worked the hardest, saved the longest. I want you to experience that same sensation I feel when I see the gift you've left on my fence.

I'll bring my Sharpie. Indelible ink is so much fun. Once you let me know which objects you have toiled so hard to earn, I will demonstrate my ability to write my name on your stuff. Isn't that great? Now you can understand the joy I feel when I see your juvenile territorial markings.

Oh, wait, I forgot. You're a teenager. You probably don't have any expensive stuff, and if you do, you probably didn't work to earn it, and if you did, you are most likely not blessed with the free time and amoral creativity that possesses some adolescents to uglify other peoples' things with their name.

Yes, you certainly have made that fence your own, much in the same way that my cat has also taken possession of the same real estate by urinating upon it. Congratulations.

Things That Are Awesome

Dragon's list for February 15, 2010.

Recent awesome:



This Indonesian dragon is incredibly awesome. I know that its wings are skin flaps, which it would spread to glide from tree to tree, and that it was collected in Buton, Indonesian, but I can't find any more information about it. If you know anything, tell me in comments!



These plush microbes from ThinkGeek.com are awesome. Give your friends herpes, rabies, plague, and more!



From top to bottom: a brain cell, beer yeast, and E coli. Click here to collect them all!



Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865), 16th president of the United States, was just unspeakably awesome. Happy President's Day, everyone.

Dinosaurs, sexbots, and liquor, oh my!

It's time once again for a look at the news. You certainly don't have anything better to do than laugh at the world, or you wouldn't be here.

First off, we have the miraculous discover of Shackleton's whisky. It seems that when the polar explorer departed from the antarctic, he left behind five cases of booze. And, according to experts on the subject, this century-old liquor was made with a lost recipe. And modern analysis will allow us to recreate this recipe. And modern seekers of the pure water of life will be able to taste history! This is almost as exciting as the news about polar fungus that is slowly destroying the buildings Shackleton once took shelter in.

Next, we have the exciting news that fossil remains of pigment sacs called melanosomes are helping scientists determine what color some dinosaurs actually were. Every year, dinosaurs look more and more like birds.

Complicating the debate on consciousness is new research demonstrating that, in some cases, it is possible to communicate with vegetative patients by scanning their brains after asking yes or no questions. We're just dying to see where this goes.

And last but not least...sexbots! Yeah, we're a little bit late with this one, but in case you haven't already heard, your $6000 Real Doll is now obsolete. For a few thousand more, you can have Roxxxy, the doll that holds your hands, carries on a conversation, and has orgasms. She is programmed with five different personalities, depending on your preference, is wifi ready, and can receive software updates. Now you have another excuse for being a great big nerd who never gets off the Internet! Yay!