This Thing On?

Via my personal blog, a dark story about a city. Oh, not just any city! This is the city of my mind!

The city of Casey is one of emotionless horror. Even the detritus that blows in from outside the city from distant lands acquire an immediate air of apathetic ennui once it enters the inner walls and floats silently to the ground as if sighing, mourning the lost memory of feeling. The men do not laugh, the women do not sing, the children do not dance. Old people sit on too-small chairs and stare up into the sun. People who sit in droll bars and cafes do not look at each other for fear of catching the glances of the men and women around them that might provoke an emotional response. Patrons order their sad gray meals with eyes cast downward and eat in slow measured gulps, careful to not present the unlikely impression of perhaps enjoying what they eat. Animals lay in the middle of the dirt roads with their mouths and eyes open, not dead, but not quite alive either.

Travelers who enter the city never leave, not because they want to stay for the rest of their lives, but because they lose all desire for anything at all except to exist. They exist solely to exist until their bodies fail them and then nothing. The city of Casey is a popular destination site for widowers, hat-makers, young runaways, drunks who can't drink enough to forget, rejected monks, men and women who have been shunned by their lovers and are too shitless to kill themselves, wanting to live and, they think that entering the city would be a cruel form of revenge, or therapy.

Parents who love their children very much tell them the story of Casey, and advise them that in their future travels should they see a sign heading towards that particular city, that they are to immediately turn around and continue their travels in another direction. Parents who hate their children tell them the exact opposite.

Prohibition! or Poppies=Unspeakable Evil

America has a long and glorious history of telling people what to do. Despite mixed results in this endeavor, a vocal contingent of Americans truly believe that they can change common human behaviors relating to sexual and spiritual preference by saying, "X is bad. Don't do X, m'kay?"

As the rest of the world knows, you can't really stop farmers from cultivating a profitable crop with a strong and growing market. Of course, the Taliban had it under control. How long do you suppose before we pick up on a few of their methods? After all, you can't farm anything without hands...or a head.

Then again, we could try the sensible route: leave it the hell alone, since the main effect of prohibition is increased violence as agricultural trade is controlled by a criminal element, and higher prices caused by increased safeguards and the occasional bust, which leads to more crime as users find themselves unable to afford the product. Or, we could try letting people who want to kill themselves with heroin to just kill themselves with heroin, which would save a lot of money and many lives. Why this is even an issue is beyond me.

Poppies are beautiful and opium is a beautiful product. Or, if you're of a Judeo-Christian religious bent: Genesis 1:12. I have given you all the plants and herbs to use.

THIS IS HOW I MAKE BREAD

THIS IS HOW I MAKE BREAD

Prurience is relative

The above graph is being used as evidence in a Florida obscenity trial. As you may know, obscenity is not only judged on the basis of whether or not a work lacks artistic merit and tends to appeal to the prurient interest, but also by whether it violates the community's basic standards. Since we can now prove that pornography is consumed across the board by decent, hardworking and even--wait for it--politically conservative Americans, it is becoming pretty much impossible to convict someone on obscenity charges. And good thing, too. People who get off on telling other people how to get off are a) the real perverts and b) extremely unamerican.

As you can see from the evidence, "boobs" outranks "surfing" by a wide margin as a popular Google search. And apart from a brief spike every year around Thanksgiving, the good people of Florida are far more interested in orgies than apple pie. That's my America! Don't get me wrong: I love pie. But it's pretty stupid to argue that pie is somehow more American than sex.

If the behavior that takes place between consenting adults offends you, and you are the kind of person who can't be bothered to examine your motives and understand why other people's private actions get your panties in such a bunch, the polite and tactful thing to do is look away. Yes, I'll say it again. Pornography: if you don't like it, don't look.

9 Articles about John McCain

Here are 9 Articles about John McCain:

1--John McCain Votes to Filibuster Minimum Wage Hike

AOL News is highly ranked on John McCain, and the minimum wage increase was incredibly popular.

2--McCain housing policy shaped by lobbyist

This article emphasizes how corporate special interests have formed McCain's economic policy. If it becomes the top ranked MSNBC article, it will appear in the top ten searches for McCain nationwide.

3--Bush, McCain plug Social Security


Seniors are going to be the key swing vote in this election, and they hate Bush's plan to privatize Social Security. This is the best polling message against McCain of all, which isn't surprising since our victory on Social Security is how began to turn the tide against Republicans and conservatives three years ago. The headline alone ties McCain to Bush, and this article already ranks very high on searches for McCain Social Security.

4--McCain blasts Obama's and Clinton's attacks on NAFTA

This is a great article because it not only ties McCain to NAFTA, which is quite unpopular, but it also draws a contrast between McCain and Democrats on the issue. The LA Times is also in the top twenty searches for John McCain.

5--McCain in NH: Would Be "Fine" To Keep Troops in Iraq for "A Hundred Years"

McCain's "100 years" statement ha damaged him already, and this article has already been significantly optimized on Google. While Mother Jones is not an ideal news source, it is the top article for this quote, and appears in the top thirty searches for John McCain already.

6--McCain: Bush right to veto kids health insurance expansion

This is my personal favorite. The headline just makes McCain look like an asshole, and ties him to Bush. Who is opposed to health insurance for kids? CNN also is in the top ten searches for McCain and John McCain A lot of people will see this one.

7--Senate passes expanded GI bill despite Bush, McCain opposition

While I am not thrilled about using Salon, since it isn't as well known, and since there is an advertising wall that hides the story, the title is damaging enough. McCain's opposition to the GI Bill really hurts him, and tying him to Bush is just as bad. This title does both in a clear, straightforward manner.

8--McCain says overturn the law that legalized abortion

Pretty straightforward, and extremely important. More than half of all women voters think that McCain is pro-choice. This will quickly change their minds.

9--McCain Defends Bush's Iraq Strategy

The classic McCain SEO, that still appears in top thirty searches for McCain and John McCain. It is also proof positive that this campaign will work, because it appears as the second CBS news article, but still on the front page in Google searches just below the CBS election center information on John McCain. That is all we need to do to get it on the front page of searches about McCain--optimize it against other CBS articles. Also, even though this SEO campaign was abandoned fifteen months ago, it still ranks in the top forty in McCain searches. If a fifteen month old campaign is still that effective, imagine what we can do with enough participation in this campaign.

If you try sometimes, you find...

...you get what you need.

The news from Antioch College today is stellar. According to the alumni website, the University Board did a complete 180 and offered a plan that would allow those who believe in the College's mission to keep the College up and running as a 4-year residential college for kids who want to raise a little hell. Co-op, classroom, and community are the pillars of an Antioch education, none of which would have been represented in the previously recent proposal that would essentially put the College on par with such academic bastions as the University of Phoenix.

We are cautiously celebrating. While the Board seems to be on board, the University Administration has been stubborn, deceptive, and calculating in their efforts to destroy everything the College and its alumni stand for. We must hope that this is not another diversionary tactic for the simple purpose of derailing the faculty lawsuit (and keeping the alums from barricading themselves on campus after reunion). But I'm going to be optimistic, put on my party hat, and sing, "The phoenix is risen!"

Sometimes, the headline says it all

Dutch man injures posterior in mooning accident

Read the bare facts