I Am a Credit Card Deadbeat...

...and you can, too!

All kidding aside, I am a credit card deadbeat, and have been for over 17 years. In fact, from the first moment credit was issued in my name, I've been a deadbeat.

That is to say, my credit card company never makes a penny off of me. In fact, I make money off of them. It's too easy. Choose a card that offers cash back on all your purchases. Only buy things you would buy if you didn't have credit. Pay off the balance, in full, every month.

I know it's opposite what most Americans have been taught, but I was brought up with this bizarre, unamerican ideal: if you can't afford something you don't buy it.

Radical. I know.

Now, clearly this does not help folks with unexpected, unavoidable expenses like medical bills (that's another post) but at the same time, Americans' use of credit, and our desire to possess expensive things is ridiculous. If you have $6000 and you need a car, it's just stupid to blow it all on a down payment for a fancy new car and then add thousands of dollars to the price of the car and hundreds of dollars to your monthly expenses. You're much better off buying a decent $5000 car and using that extra money to fix it up so it's completely reliable. No monthly payment. No interest payments. No debt.

That's how I roll. Plus, I've been driving the same car for 11 years.

Don't buy crap you don't need. Don't pay more than you can afford for the stuff you do buy. Don't use credit to give yourself the trappings of a live you don't live. Don't accrue debt to maintain a "lifestyle."

I've heard that credit card companies hate people like me, but I receive, on average, three solicitations a week, all from major credit card companies, practically begging me to take out a line of credit. They all want my business, although I have always lived below the poverty level.

In addition, my credit card company is a good friend. When I do, occasionally, make a late payment, I simply call them up and apologize, and they check my record, see that I always pay my debt, and they erase any late fees I've accrued. It's true. Further, if I ever have a dispute with a merchant regarding something purchased with my credit card, I call the credit card company and they solve the problem for me. In fact, on occasion, all I had to do was threaten a merchant with my credit card company, and they fixed a problem they swore could not be fixed.

Now that I'm in the process of buying a house, some people have tried to encourage me to borrow just a little bit more money. How much easier the process would be with a little extra. It's true. But I won't do it. I've borrow the exact amount of money I can afford. My mortgage payment will be similar to my rent. My house will not be a mansion. It will be a house I can afford. It will be the first debt I've ever taken on.

A lot of people are cutting up their credit cards, declaring, "Never again." But most of us have the power to take control over our own finances. Be stronger than the desire to consume.

Choo-choo!

Here's one small step: Road Trains!

Up to eight vehicles, including cars, trucks, and buses, would all be linked to a lead vehicle. The lead vehicle steers, while the drivers of the other vehicles relax and enjoy the ride. Fuel consumption is cut by 20%, and congestion is cut as well, since vehicles in a road train take up less space.

We're still counting on the coming energy revolution to cut the need for fossil fuels down to nothing, but for the time being, what a great idea. Trials are to begin in Europe in the next few years.

Romantic Little Getaway

Are you and your sweetie ready to do something none of your friends have ever done? Tired of taking boring vacation photos? Got a cool nine million to blow?

May we suggest you book a room at the space hotel?

No, it's not quite open for business, but the architects of The Galactic Suite Space Resort believe they'll be open for business in 2012, and they've already taken 43 reservations, with hundreds more interested consumers.

No word yet on food or entertainment, but visitors to the Galactic Suite Space Resort will be treated to 15 sunrises and sunsets every day. Complimentary Velcro suits will allow them to crawl around in zero gravity by sticking to the walls.

Here's the breakdown: 4.4 million dollars per person gets you 8 weeks of space training on a tropical island, followed by a rocket ride to the orbiting pod 280 miles above the Earth, which you will share with 3 other guests and 2 trained pilots for the next 3 days. Your rocket remains docked to the capsule so you always know where to find your ride home.

Too rich for you? For a mere $200,000, ordinary citizens will soon be able take day trips into space: sub-orbital flights on the Virgin Galactic rocket line, departing from the New Mexico Spaceport of America (still under construction).

Skeptics claim there is no way the hotel will be ready by 2012, but no one ever got anywhere with that attitude. This writer still recalls being a young schoolgirl in the 80s, working on a project about the year 2000, by which time, she predicted, we would have moon bases inhabited by thriving cities of people engaged in research. While this did not come to pass, it was not out of the realm of possibility. Neither is the space hotel!

Learn more.

Give til it...moos?

With the holiday season almost upon us, In the Weird would like to suggest an alternative form of gift-giving. If your father has enough cologne to freshen up a football league and your mother, like mine, wants nothing more than the family to get together, without fighting, may we suggest a gift that makes the world a better place?

Heifer International is a group that facilitates the donation of life-saving livestock to impoverished people around the world. While your great-aunt probably doesn't need another quilted bathroom, the gift of a single goat could mean the difference between life and death to a family in Africa. This organization has been successfully helping families, individuals, and communities since 1944.

Avoid the drama llama!

Depending on your circumstances, you can donate a single animal, a group of animals, or a share in an animal. Cows, goats, sheep, llamas, chickens, rabbits, guinea pigs, water buffaloes, pigs, honeybees, and trees are all available if you want to make a difference. Your gift includes training for the family that receives it, so they can learn how to take care of their animals, get lessons in sustainable agriculture, microbusiness, and community development. If your gift is fruitful and multiplies, the new baby animals are donated again, so the entire community benefits.

Your own family members receive holiday cards describing the gifts that have been given in their honor. You receive the sense of well-being that comes from eschewing conspicuous consumption and doing something that benefits others.



Want to know more? Check out Meaningful Gifts from Heifer International.

Interview with Nova Ren Suma

Nova Ren Suma is the author of Dani Noir, a classic tale of lies, deception, and betrayal, transformed into black and white through the eyes of thirteen-year-old protagonist Danielle Callanzano. Dani is always the hero of her own story, and the story she tells herself is that she has been wronged. In the movies, virtue is always clear cut, lies are always revealed, and retribution always carries the end of the picture, but Dani knows that real life is nothing like that. In real life, people, her father, for example, lie and get away with it. She knows the rules are different, and they don't make any sense:

It's complicated, people tell me, like I can't understand the huge messes grown-ups makes of relationships.

But I do understand.

I understand how--in the movie--you walk away at the end knowing who the bad guy is. It's not like in real life when you walk around all confused, wondering if you're the bad one for hating them.

Dani refuses to be party to deception. In fact, she is determined to expose all lies. No man will betray a woman again on her watch, especially not the fly-by-night film projectionist who's dating her former babysitter, so Dani sets foot upon her own path of intrigue. Armed with the knowledge of the greatest femmes fatales ever to grace the silver screen, and her own interpretation of right and wrong, how can she fail?

The difference between cinema and reality is vast, and yet, sometimes, the flickering lights on the screen have more of an effect on our decisions than we like to admit. It is the compelling heroines who are unafraid to expose their own faults in the end, rather than disappear into the night. Dani Noir is a thought-provoking journey into the mysteries of modern adolescent life. Suma skillfully navigates a course through the most turbulent waters--divorce, infidelity, abandonment, and hypocrisy--in a story that opens a window into the mind of a finally honest teen.

Nova Ren Suma allowed me to open a window into her mind, in this wonderful interview.

Judgment Day

We came out of Costco to find a note on my boyfriend's windshield, which read, "Next time, save this parking spot for someone who is actually disabled." Apparently, the note-writer failed to notice the handicap tag in the windshield, or the fact that my boyfriend ambled into the store by leaning most of his weight on a shopping cart.

Fact: We are young, good-looking people! This doesn't mean it's easy or painless to get around all the time. We don't use the handicapped spaces on days when we feel good.

Fact: My boyfriend is a disabled veteran. His knee is full of metal pins. They hurt. I have fibromyalgia. I hurt. We are both "actually disabled."

Fact: If you are a medical doctor, you are well-aware that many people have invisible disabilities, problems that are not apparent to the untrained eye. If you are not a medical doctor, you are not really qualified to determined who is "actually disabled."

Fact: Anonymous notes are cowardly. If you want to confront us, confront us. We'll educate you.

Supposition: The author of this note is young, idealistic, and self-righteous. He or she is ready to set the world on fire, gunning down the enemies of equality, tolerance, and justice, without regard for who might be standing in the way. Without regard for whether he or she is right or wrong.

Suggestion: Does this kind of communication seem like a good idea to you? Your best bet is to shut up for the next five or ten years. Keep your eyes and ears open, keep your mouth closed, and try reading something that isn't the Internet. At the end of that time period, you might be qualified to express yourself intelligently.

Or conversely, you could go around falsely accusing people so you can walk around with a smug sense of self-righteousness. Good thing you live in America, where everyone has the right to be an ignorant, judgmental asshole.

Who's in charge here, anyway?

In the last two and a half years, InTheWeird.com has become the destination of choice for up-to-the-minute information on el chupacabra, along with the occasional book or art review, plus all the anti-conservative ranting you can stomach. All things considered, an average thousand hits a week is not bad for an irregularly updated website with no cohesive mission statement.

We used to have a cohesive mission statement. I think it was something like, "hype Woodeye Glass"." But Woodeye is too busy making Woodeye Glass to do a lot of hyping. So that's cool. Buy Woodeye Glass"!!!

But what about Dragon? What can I hype?

Of course, there's Dragon's Library, a site that is updated far more often than In the Weird. It's still totally random, though. And weird. Don't forget weird.

And if you really want to see weird, there's Raincoat Flashers, where you can read some of my short-short fiction. Along with some other short-short fiction from the site's previous incarnation as a writing contest. But mostly just my short-short fiction, because when you inherit a website it's yours to do what you want with, right?

Speaking of which, anyone interested in a website where you can post outrageous names for imaginary bands? It's up for grabs.

And how about a little hype for Nova Ren Suma, the author of Dani Noir? We've got some original content coming your way in the form of an interview with the author. Like the real chupacabra, this site is hardy, adapted to succeed in a sparse environment, and difficult to pin down. And just because you haven't heard from us in a while doesn't mean we're not here.

I'm with the Banned

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's Banned Book Week once again, seven days out of the year when we take the time to celebrate our First Amendment Rights, the power of the pen, and the triumph of reason over hysteria. Time to pull out your Judy Blume, your JK Rowling, your George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, Harlan Ellison, Anne Frank, Michel Foucault, Betty Friedan, Benjamin Franklin, Ray Bradbury, Maya Angelou. In short, this is a good week to think, because if you are a thinker, no doubt you will find some of your favorite authors in this list of authors challenged with censorship.

The United States of America was built primarily on the foundation of personal freedom, beginning with the freedom to speak and think as we like without government mandate. Freedom of the press--our right to publish our beliefs without censorship--is the cornerstone of our freedoms, along with freedom of speech, freedom from government intervention regarding religious behavior and our right to peaceably assemble and complain. Without these rights, we are no longer Americans.

And yet, some people still feel compelled to impose their beliefs on others, without the recognition that the same document that allows them to hold their beliefs without persecution also protects the rest of us from having their point of view forced upon us. Do you oppose gay marriage? Don't have one! Teen sex? Don't screw teenagers! Drug abuse? Just say no! But don't assume that your opposition to certain topics implies the right to prevent others from reading about them. That's freedom of speech and of the press. What you read is your business. What I read is my business. And if you want to protect your child from knowledge of reality, it's your responsibility to accompany them to the library, to watch TV with them, to shelter them. It is not the community's responsibility to hide the world from your child, and it's certainly not the librarian's job. The librarian's job is to make knowledge and information widely available.

Let's salute our librarians this week, thank them for undertaking the thankless task of running interference against the opposition while bringing us the books we love and--thank you freedom of speech--sometimes the books we hate. I'm glad that we live in a world where we can read both sides of the argument and decide for ourselves.

I very much enjoyed this incredible, almost painfully tactful letter from a librarian to a patron aggravated about a children's book that depicts gay marriage. No wonder librarians have always been some of my favorite people. Do yourself a favor and broaden your horizons this week. Read something you wouldn't ordinarily read, and celebrate your American freedom.

Cryptic Creatures

We haven't given up on el chupacabra, and you shouldn't either.

Check out this recent video featuring a taxidermist and a creature that bears only a passing resemblance to a coyote. According to this industry insider, he's seen a lot of dead animals, and this one is different than anything he's ever stuffed.

Anything is possible, as our readers well know. I even heard tell of a new bigfoot photograph floating around the web. The picture was taken automatically, so no one saw the big skunk ape wander or in or out of the frame. Well, you've got to decide for yourself. I say, people usually see what they want to see. People who want to see sin see it everywhere. And people who are looking for magic....

Indoorcycling: Full On Gymnastics... On a Bike.

These girls are so far beyond badass there needs to be a whole new word created just for them:

European Junior Championships Indoorcycling